tattoo photos

Well my internet is finally back up. After five days of back and forth with the internet company, I finally took it out of Mike's hands and did it myself! I called ready to be bitchy and the guy had me up and running at proper speed in 8 minutes flat. Ah the power of attitude!

So I had my tattoo done on Thursday. He took 4 1/2 hours and good god! I am never ever sitting a four hour session again! Though I will do three. It was supposed to be a two session piece and he finished in one! So he upped the price since he went over but we still saved money since I don't need a second session! total price after tip $340. He was surprised to get a tip as he brought me to tears at one point but he still did AMAZING work so he deserved a damn tip. So here are pics. My amazing tattoo artist let Mike take pictures while he was tattooing me, so long as Mike didn't flash in his eyes. So flash off and away we go!

So this is the first one. It's after the blood lines were done and the lettering, he's doing the black layer here, photo he was going off is shown too.

Second break, all black done, you can still see some of the "blood lines" he used rather than do an actual outline. I'm so glad he did it that way, it looks so realistic.


Another under the needle. Doing the oranges.

Just before he started the left eye. Man did that HURT.

Halfway done. Mike was facinated with this part.

Last break, left eye done.

Almost done. I was HURTING by this point. This was before the whiskers were done. I wanted to hit him after that.

All done. So beautiful and worth every second of pain. He exceeded my expectation and they were pretty high.

He was so pleased with himself. Took a picture for his portfolio and wants me back for a healed picture too. Everyone who came in and look at it were quite impressed so I am totally thrilled. Will post more pictures as it heals and changes.

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want too!

So my 25th birthday is tomorrow. I'm trying to be optimistic and have a good day but it is definitely hard. I miss my mom so much today and I know tomorrow has the potential to suck! Mike has to work, though most of the boys are telling him to call in sick. I doubt he will, he has an amazing work ethic. So I am most likely going to go to my dad's house and spend the day with him, my brother and my aunt and uncle who are in town this week. Thursday is going to be soooo bittersweet. I am finally getting my tattoo. I booked this appointment over a month ago! I have a ton of friends who want to stop by and keep me company, hopefully its not all at once. I don't want to piss my artist off!

So I though I would use today to give some history on me.

******

Everything really started after high school. I was helping my Uncle Cody shoot a promotional ad for his new business. I was wearing skimpy clothes in February to promote his off roading shop. There were 2 guys hired to do the commercial, one was really goofy. The other one, Trip, was OMG hot to me and I wanted him and I wanted him NOW! We slept together about two weeks later. A week after that (I barely remember this and didn't remember at all for over a month) I was hanging out with him and he drugged me. Alcohol with rock star will cover any taste I learned. He admitted later to using Ecstasy and roofies on me. That night he raped me, for over 6 hours. This is kinda fuzzy to me. I don't remember much, one thing that does stick out to me is looking over my shoulder and seeing a still wrapped condom on the table.

I then went on a trip to Cancun, Mexico for spring break with my family and best friend. I remembered nothing of the rape. When we got back I started hearing rumors. Mostly from my moms best friend, that there had been surveillance at the house Trip was staying at. That she had explict photos. I denied it as we hadn't had sex in that house to my knowledge. This is where it gets scary and the faint hearted might not want to continue.

Durring my shower one night in April I was cleaning my lady region and felt something wierd. I got out and ran downstairs to tell my mom. Remember she was an OB/GYN. She had me lay on her bed and looked. I remember her face perfectly, it was shock and horror. She gasped and said "Oh, god no. Morgan, you have warts."

I was 18, and I had genital warts. The next day it began. I started with a pap. Then some blood tests. While we waited for the results I started treatment on the warts. A mild acid was put on them by my doctor 3 times a week. I had to put creams on them at night and eventually Xylocaine spray just so I could sleep. I would wake up when the topical numbing spray wore off and have to put more on. I got VERY familiar with my girly bits.

My pap came back abnormal LSIL. Bloods showed the presence of two or more HPV viruses. I then had to have a colposcopy or biopsy of the cervix. I was assured this was a minor thing, would take 5 minutes and I'd be fine. Well, the instument was not sharp. My doctor had to twist and pull and I don't even know what else to get the biopsy. I was shaking and near vomiting for over an hour afterwards.

By this point the external warts were gone though I still had to check weekly for new ones. I never did see another wart. The biospy came back pre-cancerous, I got the call as I was walking out the door. I crumpled to the floor. I hadn't even had my 19th birthday yet. A freezing procedure was scheduled. I don't remember this much, my mom felt so bad about the colpo she drugged me up. I thought I was floating off the table and had to hold on durring the procedure. I remember making the comment "My cooter feels cold!" Yeah, I was gone.

I was sent home with gigantic pads and an Rx for a vaginal cream. Starting a few days after I had to take this scary looking applicator and stick it up my vagina with a mess of smelly cream. Not what I was looking forward to at that age I'll tell you. Then the clots started. Dear lord, I swear I thought my uterus was falling out. For two weeks I was passing tissue. From the size of a beebee to the size of my palm. Once that stopped and my cervix healed some I had another pap.

This time it was HSIL. Which means I was likely cancerous at that point but we never did another biopsy to confirm. I had just turned 19. October 10th 2005 I went in for a LEEP. I was put under at my and my mothers request. She was in the OR durring the surgery. I had to drop out of college after this because I couldn't sit in even comfy chairs for more than 20 minutes. I swear my crotch hurt for months. In Febuary 2006 my pap came back normal. They have ever since. I met my now husband in November of that year. But this is really long already so I'll post that story another time. Here is a picture of my wedding though! It was crazy small and done in my mother in laws living room.

From left to right: My mom, Brother, Dad, Me, Hubs, our friend Ashley, and Hubs Mom.

Tetanus shot

Well I've got a little time before I have to go get my tetanus shot. My Uncle Cody leaves his dog at my dads and disappears. Well last week he got lost on the outside of the fence (10 acres) so we all trooped out to find him. Mike ran straight into the coil of fencing, I tried to skirt around it but it grabbed my pants and down I went. Pretty deep cuts on my shin and top of my foot. So now I get to have a shot. My wonderful daddy is going to pay me back whatever I have to spend too!!


So since I don't have alot of time I thought I would fiddle with uploading photos!!

This is my sweet baby Shmegal. He just turned one Aug 30. Someday I hope to catch him chasing his tail on video. He does it often. He is currently chewing paper on my desk.

This is Nymeria, Nym for short. She has an attitude problem but we forgive her when she snuggles. This one will meow loudly the second daddy gets home so he will feed her. She is currently sleeping on the couch. She turns 3 Wendesday (same b-day as me)

This is Sheba. Shes our lazy (though not really fat) cat. Yes, that is my sweet husband Mike. She was our first cat and she is pampered worse than the others. She's also the more tortured, because she put up with shit like this. She will be four in November.

Enjoy the cuteness! I'm off to get a needle stuck in my butt!

Bad blogger

I have been a bad bad blogger. Have just withdrawn into my shell again lately. We recently lost my grandmother, and I officially hate summer 2011 and want it to disappear. This summer sucked so bad. I lost my mom way to soon, my grandma, my dad's brothers son was diagnosed with Lymphoma, and my first love from high school told me he has small cell carcinoma and six months to live. Then....I think I may have had a chemical pregnancy last month. I honestly don't want to know for sure, so no doctor. Though I did talk to my mom's old MA and she said I was probably ok not going as it was really early.

I started taking Vitex this cycle to hopefully help with my shortish LP. Fertile week starts on my birthday so that could be fun. Yeah, I really don't have much to say, kinda having a bad day. Going to try and get it out of my system as I want this week to be fun. My mom's brother and his wife are coming into town tomorrow. My dad and my Uncle Tom have gotten really close during this time and that makes me feel good. My Uncle is an amazing guy and I'm so lucky to have such a good family. Probably not doing anything on my birthday, Wednesday, though I may go spend the day with my dad. Thursday I am going to my first of two tattoo sessions for my moms memorial tattoo. Then dad is taking the whole family out for dinner.

I need to make a post about some of my past soon, though I don't think I'm up for it today. Soon though.

Moving plans are starting to take shape. I called a realtor down in Phoenix yesterday though he hasn't e-mailed me the list yet. I'll poke him tomorrow. Cleaning has commenced and packing plans are starting. It's going to be a pain this time around...well more than usual. Last year we moved from a nice three bed 2.5 bath townhouse to an itsy bitsy single wide trailer. There is not anywhere near enough room here for our stuff and I have piles of stuff vomit everywhere. My shed is a disaster zone, I wont even go in there, I make Mike do it. I'll hurt myself if I do.

Well, I need to get to cleaning so I'm gonna head off.

A final note, hockey starts this month!!!!!!!!!!

AF has come and gone

So AF came early, after only a 26 day cycle. I knew she was on her way a day before so I was prepared. Still sucks though. On CD6 of a new cycle now and much to my surprise AF was short, only four days which is NOT what I expected based on my pre-BC periods. Not complaining though, definitly not complaining. DH is excited to keep trying and has offered his help in charting, which is so awsome of him. Really shows me he is as invested in this as I am.

So yesterday we finally got the toxicology results back from my moms death. It was unfortunatly ruled a suicide. However, my father and I feel that if the ME had had any idea of her medical history or self-medicating practices he might have had a different conclusion. Not that he called us or anything. So I have decided to do some research and find out if it really way suicide (Man, I hate that word) or an accident. I'm no expert, but I have taken a number of classes on forensics and intentional overdoses were usually in excess of 15-20 the normal doseage of a drug. My mothers was only 3.3 times the therapudic limit. She did have a very high Blood Alcohol though so I'm not sure. Hence the research. Also of note, was my mother apparently had a benign tumor in her brain. A Menigioma, I think, which is a fairly common tumor in older people and more common in women.

Sometimes I wonder if TTC durring this time is a bad idea. My husband and I wanted kids long before this happened, but my mothers death made us realize how short time is and how badly we want this. My dad is getting older, he'll be 61 this year and I want so badly for him to have a grandchild. I'm devastated that my mom will never know my children and I don't want that to happen with my father too. He's such an amazing person, I want my kids to know him. Alright, now I'm crying like a child so I'm gonna sign off.

Almost there

I am now 10 dpo, AF should be here Friday...I think. It's hard to know for sure as this is my first cycle off BC in over 10 years. I definitely ovulated on cd 14 or 15 so I'm guessing AF will be here no later than middle of next week. If she shows that is, I'm not sure either way.

I was having crazy symptoms until today. Today all I've got is cranky, irritable, cramps, nipples still sore, and weird bubbles in my pelvis. I took a HPT today and zilch though I know it is still early. Got some cheapo tests coming by UPS tomorrow, so we shall see.

Also tomorrow I have to call the Medical Examiner yet again to see if the cause and manner of death has been ruled on. We have been waiting for toxicology results for 6 weeks and 3 days at this point. They told us 4-6 weeks so I am getting a bit irritated. Lady said it must be a complicated case. I don't really care anymore how or why she died, I just need to know. It sucks having this big question mark hovering in my head.

Rough tww

So I'm only five days into my first tww and it already sucks. I'm actually not thinking about it all to much, lots of other things on my mind.





My mom died almost 6 weeks ago. My relationship with her was very love/hate. We fought hard, we always made up eventually. Not this time. It's constantly on my mind that we wern't speaking at her death. I miss her so much and would do almost anything to be able to tell her I love her one more time.





Most women in the tww arer always asking themselves, is this a PMS or pregnancy symptom. I have to ask myself, is this a pregnancy symptom, PMS, or grief. When I cry randomly is it hormones or missing my mom. Nausea, Headaches, indegestion, gas. These are all things that could go both ways, or all three ways rather.





So anyway, I guess I'll symptom spot for five minutes. Only things that have started today. My nipples are sore, but they have been for a week now, since before ovulation. Ok, that feeling in your stomach when it growls, that kinda bubble rolling around feeling...that, in my pelvic area. Yeah. that's it.

Another item of ickiness. Hubby and I had a pretty bad fight last night. We made up before bed, and honestly it wasn't much of a fight as her agreed with everything I said. It's so hard to stay mad at him when he calls himself on everything I was gonna call him on. Basically it stems from him spending to much time at work. 11 hours a day, at least 6 days a week. Then he goes out drinking with co-workers and doesn't let me know. I really don't care if he goes, I just wanna know so I don't make dinner for him to early.

He thinks it stems from his job and while he loves working on cars, he hates working in a shop. When we move in 2 months he plans to go back into security. Most likely armed security, which scares the crap out of me, but thats a whole nother post.

So sorry for the ranty post (if anyone even read this). Will try to stay sane for the next nine days

First Ovulation!

Well, I thought my body would take longer to get back to normal after getting off the pill last month but apparently not. I got a positive opk this morning, and I am so excited. This TTC train has officially left the station. Next stop, two week wait

Crap.

It's baby making time!

So excited! My husband and I have decided to start trying for baby #1. While there is a lot of not so fun stuff going on it our lives now we decided life is to short to wait anymore.

We have been kicking this decision around for quite a while. What finally brought it on was my mother passing last month. Due to stress we thought I might have ovulated despite my birth control and might be pregnant. The thought was exciting and when we got that negative we were both crushed. We are ready for a baby and so devastated that my mom will never get to meet him/her. Life is short and were siezing her by the horns!