AF has come and gone

So AF came early, after only a 26 day cycle. I knew she was on her way a day before so I was prepared. Still sucks though. On CD6 of a new cycle now and much to my surprise AF was short, only four days which is NOT what I expected based on my pre-BC periods. Not complaining though, definitly not complaining. DH is excited to keep trying and has offered his help in charting, which is so awsome of him. Really shows me he is as invested in this as I am.

So yesterday we finally got the toxicology results back from my moms death. It was unfortunatly ruled a suicide. However, my father and I feel that if the ME had had any idea of her medical history or self-medicating practices he might have had a different conclusion. Not that he called us or anything. So I have decided to do some research and find out if it really way suicide (Man, I hate that word) or an accident. I'm no expert, but I have taken a number of classes on forensics and intentional overdoses were usually in excess of 15-20 the normal doseage of a drug. My mothers was only 3.3 times the therapudic limit. She did have a very high Blood Alcohol though so I'm not sure. Hence the research. Also of note, was my mother apparently had a benign tumor in her brain. A Menigioma, I think, which is a fairly common tumor in older people and more common in women.

Sometimes I wonder if TTC durring this time is a bad idea. My husband and I wanted kids long before this happened, but my mothers death made us realize how short time is and how badly we want this. My dad is getting older, he'll be 61 this year and I want so badly for him to have a grandchild. I'm devastated that my mom will never know my children and I don't want that to happen with my father too. He's such an amazing person, I want my kids to know him. Alright, now I'm crying like a child so I'm gonna sign off.