It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want too!

So my 25th birthday is tomorrow. I'm trying to be optimistic and have a good day but it is definitely hard. I miss my mom so much today and I know tomorrow has the potential to suck! Mike has to work, though most of the boys are telling him to call in sick. I doubt he will, he has an amazing work ethic. So I am most likely going to go to my dad's house and spend the day with him, my brother and my aunt and uncle who are in town this week. Thursday is going to be soooo bittersweet. I am finally getting my tattoo. I booked this appointment over a month ago! I have a ton of friends who want to stop by and keep me company, hopefully its not all at once. I don't want to piss my artist off!

So I though I would use today to give some history on me.

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Everything really started after high school. I was helping my Uncle Cody shoot a promotional ad for his new business. I was wearing skimpy clothes in February to promote his off roading shop. There were 2 guys hired to do the commercial, one was really goofy. The other one, Trip, was OMG hot to me and I wanted him and I wanted him NOW! We slept together about two weeks later. A week after that (I barely remember this and didn't remember at all for over a month) I was hanging out with him and he drugged me. Alcohol with rock star will cover any taste I learned. He admitted later to using Ecstasy and roofies on me. That night he raped me, for over 6 hours. This is kinda fuzzy to me. I don't remember much, one thing that does stick out to me is looking over my shoulder and seeing a still wrapped condom on the table.

I then went on a trip to Cancun, Mexico for spring break with my family and best friend. I remembered nothing of the rape. When we got back I started hearing rumors. Mostly from my moms best friend, that there had been surveillance at the house Trip was staying at. That she had explict photos. I denied it as we hadn't had sex in that house to my knowledge. This is where it gets scary and the faint hearted might not want to continue.

Durring my shower one night in April I was cleaning my lady region and felt something wierd. I got out and ran downstairs to tell my mom. Remember she was an OB/GYN. She had me lay on her bed and looked. I remember her face perfectly, it was shock and horror. She gasped and said "Oh, god no. Morgan, you have warts."

I was 18, and I had genital warts. The next day it began. I started with a pap. Then some blood tests. While we waited for the results I started treatment on the warts. A mild acid was put on them by my doctor 3 times a week. I had to put creams on them at night and eventually Xylocaine spray just so I could sleep. I would wake up when the topical numbing spray wore off and have to put more on. I got VERY familiar with my girly bits.

My pap came back abnormal LSIL. Bloods showed the presence of two or more HPV viruses. I then had to have a colposcopy or biopsy of the cervix. I was assured this was a minor thing, would take 5 minutes and I'd be fine. Well, the instument was not sharp. My doctor had to twist and pull and I don't even know what else to get the biopsy. I was shaking and near vomiting for over an hour afterwards.

By this point the external warts were gone though I still had to check weekly for new ones. I never did see another wart. The biospy came back pre-cancerous, I got the call as I was walking out the door. I crumpled to the floor. I hadn't even had my 19th birthday yet. A freezing procedure was scheduled. I don't remember this much, my mom felt so bad about the colpo she drugged me up. I thought I was floating off the table and had to hold on durring the procedure. I remember making the comment "My cooter feels cold!" Yeah, I was gone.

I was sent home with gigantic pads and an Rx for a vaginal cream. Starting a few days after I had to take this scary looking applicator and stick it up my vagina with a mess of smelly cream. Not what I was looking forward to at that age I'll tell you. Then the clots started. Dear lord, I swear I thought my uterus was falling out. For two weeks I was passing tissue. From the size of a beebee to the size of my palm. Once that stopped and my cervix healed some I had another pap.

This time it was HSIL. Which means I was likely cancerous at that point but we never did another biopsy to confirm. I had just turned 19. October 10th 2005 I went in for a LEEP. I was put under at my and my mothers request. She was in the OR durring the surgery. I had to drop out of college after this because I couldn't sit in even comfy chairs for more than 20 minutes. I swear my crotch hurt for months. In Febuary 2006 my pap came back normal. They have ever since. I met my now husband in November of that year. But this is really long already so I'll post that story another time. Here is a picture of my wedding though! It was crazy small and done in my mother in laws living room.

From left to right: My mom, Brother, Dad, Me, Hubs, our friend Ashley, and Hubs Mom.